In life all things that happen above also happen below, according to ancient paradox philosophy. Do i really need to start every chapter with the same foundation? I do, once you are able to see the mirror effect in everything doors will open for you and you will reach a higher form of understanding. You will learn about your place in life, and those of the other people around you. How you all orbit around the same life source, as planets orbit the sun. I am like Mercury, so close to the light i am almost bursting into flames. It’s hard to live besides a man like that, like it’s just as hard to live on the planet mercury thanks to it’s incredible heat. We can only watch it safely from a distance if we don’t want to get burned. Humans have a lot of similarities between the stars and planets. If you learn more about how their location from the sun affects their personal climate and the possibilities for life you also learn a lot more about your own characteristics and how they influence the behaviour of other people around you. How even the smallest impact from an external source can have enormous consequences. If an object evolves around a planet it can even create tides at the right circumstances.
Don’t ask me what tides i am in. A few years ago my consciousness made a huge shift and i am lost now in a world where i don’t really belong. In a body which i hardly recognize anymore. Everything is blurred since i broke the chains of denial and i think this is what they call the destruction of ego. I know who i used to be, but i am no longer that same me. The more i dig into my true identity the more i am losing what i thought defined me. I don’t define me and my environment doesn’t define me. Nature defines me, or god if it sounds more convenient to you. We always seem to choose the words that satisfy our hearing the most instead of those that actually matter. What matters is here and now, the place i am and the fact i shouldn’t be here. I became reality in a slow process, a mental game of chess. I’m so deeply involved in that game now there is no going back. This is the great game and this is where you will meet your biggest fears. I’m facing my biggest now, for the first time in years i have a lot to lose again. Things i like and people i am growing fond of. It goes against all the strategic lessons i have learned in my life but at least it brings me peace for a while. How i longed for that is hard to describe with a pen. Some feelings or images are so complex even a poet might find it hard to describe. Same goes for this story, as far as you can call it a story. I don’t even know what to call it any longer. It has all sorts of properties. It could be a journal, a tale, a poetic way to describe scientific and philosophic rules or a biography and much more. It’s a true story, yet filled with fiction. I forgot how it began and i don’t know how this will end. At least i am going forward in time, although this day pushed me back a bit. I nearly lost all my memories and the ones that are left become entangled with dreams. If i try to compare myself from two years ago and who i currently am i don’t even look the same anymore. My body changed, my face changed, my clothing changed, my habits changed and my brains changed enormously. I am not going to take one step back on this path towards destiny. In the end we all become what we need to become. The point is, everyone in this reality uses strategy and has evil plans and the minute i see it my dark side comes out and i see a competitor. Things can only go downhill into a destructive spiral from that point on. When it comes to strategy and planning i have no competition anymore. There are no men like me, only me. I do not judge, i do not condemn, i only reflect like a mirror. I guess experience taught me to be in a state of Mushin as long as i remember. It’s the warriors way to bring mental peace into a world of flames by living in harmony with the fire. As far as this is a journal, it’s about day 600 of the process i started and it is by far the most creative and destructive piece of strategic planning i have done so far. To turn myself inside out hoping i will not suffer the same fate as the one who came before me. The lamb of god, slaughtered and sacrificed by the people he came to save. It says a lot about those people. Nature does not mourn the way we do, it just prepares for a better solution. So here i am, a better solution. I can assure you history will not repeat and i can only hope mankind has learned it’s lessons. We had about two thousand years to learn so if we still fail our species maybe is just too inefficient to evolve beyond the point of self destruction. I hope i am sufficient enough to surpass that point, i still doubt myself. Although i am just harvesting my next top quality marijuana which i have been doing for over ten years now without any problems i still doubt myself whether i am creative enough. No matter how much i achieve it’s never enough. But that`s not the only problem. I’m beginning to look down on these people around me more and more. Their rich lives made them spoiled and lazy beyond the point of hope. And me? I’m just a redeemed soul in a strange body, finding it’s way in a strange world. Slowly reshaping the body around me day by day to prepare it for what is coming. Things no one can avoid. My coming here can only mean that the things i have seen are all true and i am stuck in a mirroring loop. Slowly i close my eyes and try to reach my reflection on the other side. “Are you still there? I bet you are”. For a while nothing but silence, but then a voice slowly responds from a world far from this one. “Help me..”. I try to picture where my reflection would be, but the more i grow used to this dimension the harder it gets to reach the other side. In my mind i picture a mirror and the deeper i stare into it the more i seem to get lost in a world where normal things don’t apply any longer. As i place my next step my boots touch wet sandy soil near a small river bed. I see a young man lying next to a small improvised camp fire. He looks pale, exhausted and starving. “You should have known you weren’t ready for this”, i slowly say to the pathetic excuse for a human that’s supposed to be some sort of reflection of me. “How did the two of us ever met? It still feels strange to me to consider you as a part of me, but i understand now. Here, i brought you some food”. Slowly i hand over a few slices of bread with cheese from the local store. Thankful and eager he accepts the offer and i can see clearly he is having some trouble swallowing from dehydration. “What happened while i was gone?”. Carefully i take a seat next to what used to be a student of mine, a stubborn one who refused to follow my lead. Many did before him and many had the same regrets he has now. “Can i go back now?”, he asks with a slow exhausted voice. “I’m afraid not my friend, but someday you will and this will all be just a dream. You remember you asked me once about my history? I think i finally know why i can’t remember everything. It’s because you carried half of it all along. Don’t ask how but the day will come when you forgot who you are now and you will remember only the things i remember. That`s the day you will go home to redeem yourself. You will have lived a thousand years at war with yourself and your environment and wake up one year in the past. You will remember everything”. Without saying another word i leave this place. Many bad memories remind me of the path i walked. Besides, saying goodbye in such a way to this man is nearly impossible, i know the sentence i gave him. I remember it all too well, but sometimes a man has to do his job. I resume my typing the moment i return from my simulative state of mind. To most of you dreams are something beyond our grip, but to the man who understands it’s a whole new reality in the palm of his hands. Like a world filled with blocks in which i can release my strategic creativity to simulate possibilities and find solutions. Carefully i manage my environment in such a way it pushes me to the limits, making it activate the right strains of Dna in my body. Since i found the key of shaping the human body and mind it is like i am creating a piece of art and i am the canvas as well as the medium and the source. A unification of three crucial parts. King Solomon’s geometric seal guides me through every step on this process. It is supposed to bring me everything i can dream of, but i can only dream of one thing. True love, without any form of illusion. I have seen the worst already, hopefully this seal is my stairway to heaven. I only hope i am allowed to enter, if not i will accept my destiny.