Every now and then i can still hear the screams in my sleep and see the blood flow across the landscape in streams like a river. I see the fires burning through the villages, the devastation spreading across the land. But then i open my eyes again and i see a different world; one in which there is still hope. I don’t know why i am divided like this. Maybe it has something to do with a brain infection which i caught at a younger age, or a result of many different experiences all piled together. All i know is i stand between two worlds; the past and the future. I can see both very clear while i constantly shape and influence the presence. But every time i look in the mirror i see a tired man. A ghost, a mere shadow of the man i used to be. Can i blame myself? It has been a very long road and i am almost who i need to be. Still, this isn’t enough. The last chapter ended with a quick turn, but those mostly lead to dead ends. And that was where i was about to go, all the way to the dead end. No weapon forged against me shall prosper, i am still moving on. Alone mostly, without a travel companion. Nature is my companion, a friend which i have learned to know a lot better through these past few years. The wind rushing through my hairs, the rain pouring down on my face or the sun shining on my skin. It all feels like an attempt from my best friend to reach out to me and tell me not to worry, i am still not alone. I’m in a combined state of flow, both Mushin and Nirvana. I’ve learned a lot about what triggers both states of flow. You can consider Nirvana to be mindfulness while Mushin is an empty mindstate where the body only operates on reflexes. The difference between both states of flow can be found in the senses. In a state of Mushin the Nociceptors, which are responsible for registering pain are put on reflex mode. In the Nirvana state they are fully active registering all pain and increasing the other senses every time we are exposed to pain. Increase the senses enough and a world of possibilities will open up for you. It is nature’s spiritual compensation for extreme situations. Once in the singularity, everything becomes extreme. Singularity is the point where destruction and creation come together. It is an almost impossible volatile state of being which cannot be sustained for long. Division is only a matter of time and the longer you resist the more damage you will inflict on yourself. But everything seems to be so dual… With every state of singularity i enter, i divide and conquer it so quickly that i hardly even notice the phase change i am going through. Inside myself i am one. Not Sativa, not Avitas, but Savita, meaning the Sun.
“For the sun is situated in the center of the cosmos, wearing it like a crown”- Hermes Trismegistus.