“If there is any doubt left let my seal be proof.
I am the king of darkness here to unleash the truth.
Words from a paradox create a pattern,put a pendulum in motion.
Destructive forces scatter,
like ripples through an endless ocean..
The weak prey on the strong.
How they'd wish they were the same.
Yet they are the opposite and blind for who to blame..
My mind works like a mirror.
I reflect the things i see.
I live in a land of mental blindness.
And the one eyed king?
it must be me.
For years i lived in chaos,
but all i ever found.
Were endless waves of gravity,
dragging all my energy down.
In search for an answer,
i only found a question mark.
And so i dug much deeper,
and found the point where the question starts..”
This is the first poem i write and publish… Who i am? I’m not going to answer that question, but i will tell you a story. A tale of numbers and figures and calculations that penetrate the borders of reality and open a doorway into another world. According to prophecies, this world is a lot more predictable than we think. What seems to be impulsive and chaotic to one is nothing more than a simple pattern to another. And all patterns have one thing in common, they are predictable and calculable. The more we understand the more we start to see and doors might open before you that were always closed. I am beginning the story with the formula of Gabriel’s horn, meant to calculate the surface area of a trumpet shape. Besides the fact that it’s very interesting to calculate the surface area of the geometric shape it’s not the actual story behind it. It shares a deep connection with the number Pi and has a lot of magic in it. I once lived in a world far from here and went through things beyond your imagination, and a man wrote about it. That man is gone, for god took him. Note that every time i use the word “god” i actually refer to nature or the laws of nature. However, it corresponds to a small note in genesis and a lost part of the bible. “Enoch walked with god and he was not, for god took him”- Genesis 5:24. When i started this story as Sativa, i was a different man. Now Sativa is not, god took him. O better yet, i gathered enough information from my environment to destroy every aspect of my old personality. Why? To become what this page deserves, a man worthy of guarding and spreading sacred knowledge and make sure the knowledge our ancestors left us will not be lost or kept a secret. At the bottom of this story is a picture, i have the same one hanging on the wall of my house. If your eye for detail is developed enough you can see the entire foundation of reality hidden in that single picture. There are also a few hidden mathematical formula`s inside. I can clearly see the number Pi, Gabriel’s horn and the fibonacci sequence inside. There is nothing new under the sun and all possible outcomes have been calculated before. We each play our role on the chessboard of nature while nature constantly divides to conquer, let’s opposites collide and gives the best of both a chance to survive. Nature decide our fate through a trial by combat. And i have a special place in on that chessboard, i always known. I only seem to emerge during short periods of extreme anger, i need it to become who i am. I’m not proud of it, but it seems to be a necessary evil. I absorb it like a sponge and use it as fuel for physical exercise. It sounds evil i know, but it is the only choice i have left to get the energy i need to withstand the attacks. I can assure you, i only do it with those that attack. It drains the anger out of them they need to fuel their attacks and provides me with the energy i need to fuel my defense. Sounds like a fair exchange doesn’t it? It’s what it means to be mushin. Give what you receive and do not let others drain your energy. My behavior isn’t normal when i`m in this state, it is to coordinated to be normal. I need this level of coordination to perform at my best and i know it. It has everything to do with the title of this chapter; mathemagic. Most people hate maths because of all the complicated numbers and symbols, enough to give someone a serious headache. I am enduring one while i am writing this part and it’s the writing which helps me to heal it. There is so much information inside my mind i just have to get is out to avoid a burn-out. I already learned by pushing some enemies away when i reach the limit i can balance it a little, but there are many points of focus merging inside of me, and that is what this story is all about; the point of focus, the horn of Gabriel. It is prophesied that a star falls from heaven with the key of the abyss. I’ve learned the proper way to interpret these prophecies. Starchildren is what they call us because we spread knowledge like the stars spread light. But there is something else. I never really calculate, i just visualize. My eyes close and patterns flow through the mind showing the outcome of complicated formulas. It can grow to such an extend it gives me the possibility to create a virtual reality and directly write experience from it to my memory as if i was truly there. It can become quite addictive once you get the hang of it. It can even change your personality in a drastic way, which has happened to me as well. It can alle be linked back to quantum mechanics, where an object approaching the point of zero movement can go through a quantum identity crisis and change from one element to another. Even from lead to gold… I could lose myself in this chapter and go on beyond infinity, beyond the calculation towards things you can only dream about. A quantum reality reflecting the one we currently experience. How many of those there are? Beyond any number you can imagine. Existence is greater than we could ever comprehend. If i try i feel like flying through endless solar systems and galaxies without ever reaching the end. It takes a great amount of energy and concentration to open these “stargates” as you could call them. I actually like the name because it links then to the star children who seem to be the only ones capable of opening these doors. This story is one of those gates. If you have read this from the beginning you must have noticed the missing duality. There is no more duality, this is it. As we enter chapter 12 we are in the middle of the quantum tunnel which i created with this tale. A self inspiring script for personal change. An incredible amount of energy has been poured into this project in order to create the desired effect. To push an endless amount of time, energy and information through a single point of focus and strange things are happening in this very center. A doorway opened and i can see straight through the fabric of space time and realise i am surrounded with focal points, each operating at its own dimension. Either alone or in a complicated network of action and interaction, pushing and pulling and generating input and output. We can leave the dreams for what they are now, the foundation of reality. The foundation has been constructed. I am Avitas, no longer the same but the opposite. The opposite is as good as gone, destroyed through a process of several experiences constructed through a strategic plan. Since the spiritual transformation is almost done i expect it to spread like a wave and influence both my body and my environment. Change is already happening. My muscle memory has been formed to use as little energy as possible to create maximum output. I can feel every muscle in my body as if it has been supercharged with electromagnetic particles. Now i also understand why. The constant feeling of getting less energy than you need stimulates your body to use the vacuum field between particles to extract energy and compensate. Once you learn to use the mind over matter, the body stands above matter as well. Once the spirit becomes unbreakable, it slowly spreads through the mind and the body strengthening every structure along the way.
Slowly green emerald eyes open in another world along the banks of a river far away from this place. Conscious eyes, carefully scouting the environment for any signs of life. A white face moves forward between the trees reflecting the light of the moon. Like a hunter this man comes to life when most animals go to sleep, his vision adjusted to the darkness around him. It gives him a slight advantage, one of many. Tonight he needs to catch something, yesterday has been hard. At least he carries a small supply of dried meat in his improvised leather bag which hangs on his back. Although he knows this reality isn’t solid he doesn’t care. Every experience is one of many and it will add to his structure as a whole. This night serves a higher purpose. The man is dressed in skin from his previous prey, carefully selected to give him a pattern which blends in with the environment. To the untrained eye, his moves are hard to notice in the darkness. The man is a singularity, born from a paradox. His name can never be mentioned, but it is not Sativa and it isn’t Avitas either, more a combination of both. A name with a deep ancient meaning which serves as a reminder to who he really is. Nothing is really new under the sun, but life is filled with improvements of past mistakes. A single choice can lead to evolution. He used to be prey, hunted by opposition. Now he became the hunter, slowly scouting the area for potential prey. To many the word hunter sounds evil, but nature is filled with hunters. Only a man who is conscious can separate good from evil. A lion does not desire meat, he only needs it. He does not eat more than he needs, he knows if he destroys the herd he destroys his own future. Evil are those who lack this awareness. Conscious is he who learns to understand. But tonight is not only about survival, also about safety. Something is also hunting for him. He heard it’s footsteps last night following him and observing his movements. The following behavior alone is a sign of hunt. One thing is for certain; this animal is dangerous. The usual predators have the urge to avoid contact, this one does not see him as a threat. Since he has nothing more than a stick and some stones a confrontation is no possibility, he has to keep moving at a high rate and see if he can utilize the landscape in some way…
While i try to focus extremely hard on this dream i realize that i am still missing a piece of this puzzle. I have been experiencing a writer’s block for several weeks now and i know it’s only because my imagination is hanging on the edge of a cliff. I can hardly tell the difference between dreams and reality any longer and it feels like i am lost. I hope i am dragging you all into the same experience and you can hardly tell the difference either. Once you reach this point all you have to learn is there never was any difference, just a blockade between those worlds. You are the one that created that blockade by freedom of choice, in order to belong to a certain group in society. I did too once, all i ever wanted was to fit in perfectly. The more i learn about myself the more i understand my brains have been programmed in a very irrational way. Slowly my feet carry me towards the window of my living room and i stare at the world outside. It’s the middle of december and it’s pretty cold out here. It’s snowing most of the day and temperatures vary between zero and minus five degrees Celsius. I could have picked a better time of the year to do this, but perhaps the extreme weather conditions make the experience a bit more useful as well. The decision has already been made so any delay is only fooling myself. I decide to pack my backpack and spend the night outside. It takes a couple of hours for me to get ready and collect all the things i need, but at the end of the evening after taking a last hot shower i close the door of my house and start my journey to a forest nearby. It’s a part of the local environment i know well from my earlier years where hardly anyone comes. The weather is terrible, before i even reach the forest my feet already feel frozen and snow is blowing in my face constantly. I had some very terrible ideas in the last few years but this one goes in my top ten list. Unfortunately i have to go through this. My time as a homeless kid wandering the streets left a permanent scar on my memories and i have to turn that experience around. As i set my first footsteps in the dark deserted forest i think of all the things i might come across. Wolves have been spotted more frequently in the area and traumatized homeless refugees from various countries could be using this as a camping place. However, i don’t think they would be too eager to come across someone like me. A lost soul looking for it’s lost memories in a place no normal man would come at a time like this. I take a moment to observe and listen to any strange noises. Except for the cold stormy wind howling through the trees i hear nothing.. Not even a bird. I expected to hear at least some background noises. Slowly my feet carry me towards a remote and hidden spot far away from the trail. My backpack slowly slips from my shoulder and i carefully install it on the ground. Such a magical environment. The snow makes it even more fascinating. Quickly i use my knife to gather some wood from a few small trees around me to build a shelter against the raging wind. As soon as it’s finished i put my sleeping bag inside it with a few loose blankets. It feels pretty comfortable, i could get used to this easily. Slowly my body calms down and my mind takes over. It takes me back in time to a memory which has never left my side.
I see myself lying under a small bicycle shelter in the middle of the winter. It’s freezing outside and all i have to cover myself up is my jacket. I‘m very cold, and try to fall asleep while shaking violently. Deep inside i wonder why my parents aren’t even worried about my safety. It seems like they don’t even care whether i live or die. “Please god, help me. You are the only one i have left”, i whisper slowly. Thoughts are raging through my head as i try to accept my new destiny. Slowly i fall asleep shivering while a few lost tears leave the corners of my eyes…
I snap back again from the flashback and suddenly i realize why it self to important to come here. This isn’t so bad. I am enjoying a beautiful view and due to the fact i am covered in blankets and protected from the cold wind it’s actually pretty warm too. The night slowly passes by as i am in a combined state of dreaming and daydreaming. Maybe that was all the miracle i needed for now, to daydream at night. It feels like floating..
“They float,' it growled, 'they float, Georgie, and when you're down here with me, you'll float too!”- Pennywise, Stephen King’s It.
At about five am i realize it’s time to go for home. I know what i needed to know now. Why my mind keeps drawing me towards the same experiences again every single time. It is an auto-correction system invented by nature itself. There is only one way, the right way. And every time we make a wrong choice we tend to walk in circles. So many thoughts are racing through my mind at this time, i hardly remember the way back. All i know is the weeks that followed i entered a severe burn-out. One of the worst i had in the last few years. This is also the reason why it has been a bit quiet on this page lately. Since every chapter in this story is a part of a true experience it drains a lot of energy from my body to keep pushing it towards the limit. And yet, i finally found what i was looking for all these times, a peace of mind. All pieces of the puzzle fall into place, i am one. Both the one as the other, Sativa and Avitas. The diversion between mind and body has ended and i am what i need to be to take you further on this journey towards discovery of the world’s most ancient mysteries. This chapter was supposed to be an important turning point, and instead of trying to push for a breakthrough i decided to let nature works it’s way like it always does and push the experience towards me. And it did… We have now entered what we call a mental singularity. Instead of a division between problem and solution an endless stream of solutions is pouring in. The Buddha teaches that we must destroy the ego, but have you ever tried to actually destroy your ego? The lesson in it is that you can’t destroy your ego, but you can understand in which way it is a part of you and how it controls your behaviour to master it. It is a lack of understanding of who we really are and how it corresponds with our environment that constantly divides us. My goal is to take you to the point where you will all reach this state of mental singularity to cause a chain reaction, i am sure when you experience it you will know the definition of salvation.
As weeks go by i feel awkwardly peaceful. And yet i still wonder why all these things had to happen. It feels like i am missing a piece, so i dive deeper into the mystery of why i am by searching for more information on how my body is build exactly. Which cells are involved, how do they correspond to each other and what is the main unit behind all of this? How do i change the structure? The journey takes me through a huge stream of documentaries and i learn more and more about my true nature. If all my dreams are real that what exactly am i? Am i even human? This mystery get’s much stranger than i planned it to be when i started writing this story. It was supposed to be a nice new form of reality and fiction combined, but the story has given me so much understanding of who i am it became a burden to me as well at some point. It is time to turn that around and start using my gift in a positive way. And so i start building, as i always do. Slowly i advance towards my destiny with one guarantee; this will become quite an adventure. As soon as i start questioning myself what the purpose behind this might be i get a rather unexpected surprise. A visit from someone i know very well. A strange man sends me a message out of nowhere towards my twitter account. A part of the emerald tablet, which i can almost dream. It’s his presentation that feeds my curiosity:”I am you from the future”, is his next reply, “Ask me anything you want and i will proof it”. I immediately respond by asking him the secret behind the number Phi.I expected a complex but wrong answer, but what i got is such an endless stream of information i immediately recognized the pattern. We exchange our social network names and instantly hooked up. But that’s not all, two others join the group as well. I am overwhelmed by emotions and while they throw an endless amount of information at me i am frozen solid. “I am sorry, i need to take a rest for a while. I’m on the verge of a heavy burn out and i can’t really help you at this time..”, i respond while tears start pouring from my eyes slowly. I instantly felt who they were, my family. In the days that followed i felt like floating again. I now understand why, my mind needed answers. After all i’ve been through i start realizing more and more i am definitely not who i think i am. I can’t be “just” Sativa. I have grown beyond everything that defined that identity. I’m as far as i can feel Avitas, or Avi Tas, which is Latin for state of flow. But that still really doesn’t define me, it only defines an aspect of me. It must be why i always felt like i had wings once upon a time. Avitus is also Latin for ancestral, so i guess the name refers to my ancestors and my own link towards them. Already it feels like information fills in the gaps like liquid Mercury… I try to find some distraction by training more and more. As i keep pushing myself forward i am entering a quantum tunnel and strange forces keep pushing me forward. It is the hand of God himself, and i remember his name. Zeus, my father… I am the one closest to him, the one who flies halfway around the world to complete every mission he has for me. I wanted to be like him so badly i became his reflection. I am not the sun, i am the mirror reflecting the sun. The mysterious Hermes Mercurius Trismegistus, teacher of the ancient mystery school. I came to you before in so many reflections, just look into your mirror and you can see me. If only you would look deep enough to see through your own image… Or perhaps through the shards of your broken image. Enter the halls of the Abyss and find me there and i will be your guide to the doors of heaven. Leap above all that gives you structure and come to me at the bottom of chaos. Chaos is the first step of the ladder, i will teach you to acclimate. Meet me in the singularity, where the first pattern starts. I am the second, above and below. I am the miracle of one thing, whatever you see in the mirror. I am the mirror, i am Mercurius. By creating a broken crystal consciousness inside myself, the sacrificed Christ consciousness, i divided myself into an endless number of reflections. Only through me you shall pass towards the steps of enlightenment. I have been through hell and across the universe to seek for solutions to the endless stream of problems created all around me. War has never been the answer, just the root of our problems. The teachings which i have tried to spread over this earth for thousands of years brought wonders to this planet, but while staring at these wonders with awe mankind forgot all about the source. And so i became forgotten… To the point where i came to the conclusion i no longer served any purpose on this planet. It was only in memory where i could continue my mission, on the higher planes. But in order to make that work i had to leave a strong impression. A sacrifice no man has ever seen before. To sacrifice my own body and banish my soul to hell. Do you wonder why? Good, it is exactly that kind of wonder that should draw you back towards me. When i say a sacrifice no men has even seen, i only give you half of the story. Women are all to familiar with this kind of self-sacrifice. Men do it all the time. They give away their body and spirit in search for love, and keep being disappointed because most women seek power nowadays, not love. When i sacrificed myself it was the other way around. I had to turn the odds around to restore balance. We have finally reached a point of singularity where both sexes have equal power and possibilities so they can choose who to love by desire instead of by needs they require. This used to be the meaning of true love, as true love inspires people to bring out the best in them. I know i have found true love again, since i found myself as well. The best version of who i am. However, those who are familiar with the many adventures i once had on this planet probably already know this will not be the last thing you’ve heard of me. This is only the beginning of the true adventures i wanted to share with you. We are halfway down Gabriel’s horn and passing the center as we speak. The point where the laws of physics bend straight through the space time continuum as i have the power to move beyond the speed of light and take you with me on this wonderful journey. Do you want any proof of my identity? Take a good look at the picture at the bottom of this chapter and you will see the truth. It is the blueprint of human evolution in correspondence with the macrocosm around us and the microcosm inside us. You can ask me any question about it, as i am here to teach not only to entertain. In fact, in this story i am trying to combine both; to infotain. I did it before and i will do it again, as many times as i have to until i get it right. Never forget, i am not god, only a messenger. I make mistakes, but i have a lot of patient in judgement while i am very fast at correcting myself.
I will end chapter twelve here, the transformation has been done. The vessel has been emptied and the spirit has returned. That is what they used to call the miracle of resurrection. In the next chapter i will surprise you. I have already found Pallas Athena. We have been competing against each other for a few years now while we were both constantly surprised by how much we seemed to reflect each other. She is still the miracle she always was, and my best friend. Zeus has also returned and hearing his low voice bringing an endless stream of information towards me is a bit hard to handle sometimes. Even i can get too much information at once. Everything they said was true, the voice of zeus is impossible to bear for any normal human. He is such a brilliant man he will fry your mind in a second with pure knowledge. And Aphrodite.. She is so beautiful i lack the words to describe it. The moment she touched me i melted and i felt like i was struck by lightning. The most interesting part of all was she showed me pictures of her sons. It was as if a saw two reflections of myself at once. One of her sons represents Sativa, the other Avitas. This is such a magical experience it rises above all i have ever seen or read before. My mission is to help Aphrodite find her beauty again. Somehow we all forgot what our talents are or how to express them in the proper way, but i will walk back through hell again a thousand times if that is what it takes to help her. How this will unfold is a mystery to me as well. I hope you will wait for us as we build the experience needed to present chapter thirteen to you. A number which sounds like a bad sign….
“O ye people, earth-born folk, ye who have given yourselves to drunkenness and sleep and ignorance of God, be sober now,cease from your surfeit, cease to be glamored by irrational sleep!” ? Hermes Trismegistus, Corpus hermeticum
Navajo Proverb: It is impossible to awaken One who is pretending to sleep. But every once in while someone comes along who either by wisdom or by its opposite awakens the sleeper within.
“The one in whom no longer exist the craving and thirst that perpetuate becoming; how could you track that Awakened one, trackless, and of limitless range.”- Buddha