Everyone wants to rule the world, but hardly anyone understands the value of what they hold in the palm of their hands. The value of what you have is limited to what you think you have. A wise man knows a single grain of sand equals infinity. He needs nothing to have everything. He knows a final definition puts a break on progress, therefore he shall be left undefined, uncalculated and uncontrolled. Haunted forever by those who continue to enslave every living creature around them. But the question remains; am i the hunter or the prey? Or am i nothing more then a single point of focus caught between the stars and the atoms as a transformation process? Just a frequency propagating through space carrying the illusion of self-awareness? As questions become more complicated over the years, so do the answers. Do you have any idea how many souls are at my command? I don't think you do, but you will soon. Have you ever been aware of the way nature leads you in a very subtle way? You have the illusion of free will, but until you are aware of it you are only following very predictable natural patterns which can easily be manipulated to bend to the will of the ones who are aware of these patterns. But once you are aware everything changes" A world which once looked so peaceful and simple turns into a complicated power struggle as we slowly enter the Inferno. I will be your tour guide all the way down to the bottom of the Abyss. The place where i found the seal of king Solomon. But the Inferno has many layers, like an union. And so we descend through these layers one by one to go to the bottom of mystery, the foundation of your and my teachings. Let me take you to my personal Inferno first, as it is fresh now. I like to describe my experiences while they are still fresh, it makes it easier for me to find the correct wordt and bring you more details. I have been living in the Inferno for a long time now, a place of constant destruction, pain, doubt, fear, emptiness, chaos and eternal warfare. As a little boy my trust in humanity has already been damaged intensively due to the aggressive and violent attitude of my father and the lies and manipulation of my mother. I prefered to be alone from the day i was born due to the fact i always felt unsafe in the close presence of my parents. I can't remember how many battles i witnessed when i was young, but i can remember a few of them that made a huge impact on me. I can remember my father threw me against the door with such a speed i my teeth came through my lips. I can remember him trying to strangle my mom while i was sitting on the couch in fear. I can still remember thinking:"If i don't stop him he will kill my mom" I did jump in between that time, i think i was about six years old. I can also remember my mother shouting me in panic not to interfere. I don't know exactly how it ended, but i still wonder often what would have happened if i didn't help her. But that's just a single layer of my personal inferno. And just like an union i have many layers as well. At school i was the funny quiet kid, a target for bullies and people who aim at the throne of popularity by putting others down. And i fought back a lot, it got me into trouble on a regular basis. My dad would come to the rescue and make sure i could skip detention. But who could i really trust? No one. As soon as my father had a few drinks he could turn from my best friend into a monster. So much for my time as a child, i spend most of the time alone locked inside my room playing with my building blocks. Autism is what they called it, the manipulating fools. I just call it severe disappointment in the ones who should have been there. Or perhaps this all had some purpose after all. I remember i was always sad and depressed. Always daydreaming about better worlds, a better life and true love. My parents divorced when i was about ten years old and that wasn't an easy ride. When my mother found out my father had a secret relationship with his own cousin she almost stabbed him to death at the front door, i was in my bedroom just above it at that time and i can still hear the screams. I came from a non-religious family but still i prayed almost every night, asking for a way out, but it never came and i don't think that was the plan. Shortly after my mom became very unstable and tried to commit suicide a few times. I guess she just forgot about us and so did my father. While they were fighting each other for years about who was right and who was wrong i started hanging out with older friends on the streets to find at least some form of personal safety. My days as a young cannabis smoking streetrat began when i was ten years old. I started stealing, breaking in, smoking almost three grams a day and joined a local street gang. At the age of eleven i already got arrested several times for different things like shoplifting and trying to light the local school on fire. My parents were both busy at chasing their own feelings like finding new love, enjoying freedom and raising other people's children. As soon as my father left our house he instantly changed. He was so busy pleasing his new wife he spend all his time raising her children and left his own for dead. As we moved to a different town at age eleven i saw him less and less until i told him it was better if he didn't came back at all. I don't think many people understand how it feels to be so disappointed in your parents at such a young age.
As i reached the age of puberty things only got worse. Moving to a different village wasn't enough to get me out of trouble. I went through a lot of psychologists and social workers and had a lot of counselling where they tried to blame all sorts of external resources for my behavior. Mental illness, bad friends, autism" I think my mother and her new friend just accepted their own theory which they told me many times. I was just as lousy as my father, a worthless stubborn lazy child not capable of doing anything. Not long after my mother met her new friend she married him and his true character came out. He was a selfish man who only wanted to be the centerpoint of my mother's attention and did his best to chase both me and my sister out of the house as soon as possible. I don't think my family will ever be capable of admitting the things that happened. The time i saw my stepfather jump on top of my fourteen year old sister and beat her on the head with both of his fists. Or the time he grabbed her hairs and pulled her from her chair by it" They are caught in a state of permanent denial. I can tell you a secret, last year my mother came to my door crying my stepfather hit her" I had a one hundred and seventy five lbs crossbow in my hands and i was ready to end this thing once and for all, but she threatened to go back to him if i didn't lay it down. My only reaction was:"You will never understand what i had to sacrifice to give you a happy marriage, you better make this a happy marriage or i will make this a final divorce". I think that did the job, they seem to be much happier now. As for me puberty was a very interesting time, especially as a young experienced street thug in a small town. I was at the top of my game. At school i sold drugs, illegal fireworks and all sorts of goods i could get my hands on. The kids at school knew about my criminal history so they respected me and i had a group of nice friends to hang out with. I think that helped keeping me up a bit. Since home was sort of like hell to me hanging out with my friends and enjoying the higher life was my heaven and it kept things perfectly in balance. At least for a while" At the age of 15 i suddenly got hit by a brain disease in a holiday trip with my parents. It got pretty bad quickly, within 2 days a small headache grew into such a pain i could barely stand on my feet as we entered our flight home from Turkey. I vomited during the entire flight and the staff on board the plane didn't know what was happening. As soon as we got back to Holland we visited the first available hospital for research, but after a quick diagnose on the first aid we went back home with the conclusion i just had a bad case of the flu. The first 24 hours at home i couldn't even drink water without vomiting again and i dried out very fast. The next day we immediately went to the local hospital again to demand a better investigation. They took a sample from the liquids inside my spinal cord and it looked so cloudy they instantly took me into quarantine and on life support. I can't remember much of the days after, i slowly slipped away into a deep sleep. I only know i couldn't even talk or move my head any more. My parents told me afterwards i have been very close to death. I think i went over the edge a bit. It changed something inside of me. I slowly recovered and after two weeks of antibiotics i could go back home. Everyone was happy i made it out in one piece, but to tell you the truth i was disappointed back then. For a moment i felt so peaceful when i slipped away, but here i was back to hell. Whatever you may call that place we go to when our time is over i don't care, but i can assure you one thing; i felt better in there than i ever did here on Earth. I think that disappointment went into a depression slowly as i started longing for a way back more and more. However i am not a man that gives up on things easy. Something send me back so i just had to make the best of it. And so the years after with lead in my shoes i stumbled through life while everything around me went further downhill. I became more rebellious and aggressive and started to fight back more and more. It was as if something was slowly awakening inside of me.Fights at home began to get more severe and at age eighteen my parents just gave up on me and threw me out. I didn't even care at that time nor did i feel any fear of what would become of me. I just survived from day to day while every night i would lie awake wondering how to get back. I didn't sleep much, i never did. When i close my eyes i see a composition of all the bad memories of my past combined with worst case scenario`s. When i wake up i am exhausted from surviving it all again. It took quite a while for me to accept this and learn to live with it. After a year living in homeless shelters and staying at various addresses i finally got a place of my own again. The first time in my life i was actually free. In the first few years i had a lot of trouble keeping my household up and running. My head constantly felt like it had a processing problem and i was constantly stuck in a sort of dream state. My life mostly runned on sheer impulses. I also had a lot of rage and sadness bottled up inside myself. Visitors never came by, most of the time books where the only thing keeping me company. The world of strategic simulation also had a very strong magnetic pull on me, i could spend days conquering different worlds, various armies and confiscating spoils of war. Still i was slowly withering away with financial problems stretching far above anything i could deal with. Most of the time i survived living on cheap food sources, like bread with peanut butter. It also made me aware of my energy consumption. You can compensate a low energy level very easily by focussing the energy you have on the most important tasks and reduce all other movement as much as possible. After a few years the local government stepped in. They offered me what they called project "last chance". I don't think i have to explain what they meant by that. My body weighs about ninety pounds by then, a dangerous situation for a man of almost one hundred and ninety seven centimeters in length. I had to regain strength slowly, one step at the time. I was offered a job as well, planting vegetation inside sound walls for the local freeway, green walls is what they called them. I didn't like it much and i soon went to the boss with a business proposal to expand the company with a small computer recycling departement. I never expected them to take my proposal serious, but against all expectations they did. And so i started building my own departement starting in a small hallway of barely two square meters. I don't think they had much hope for the project given the terrible space they offered, but i didn't care much. Give me an inch and i'll make it grow beyond any measure. Within a year they gave us a bigger working area of about six square meters and two extra staff members. We were gathering computer supplies through the entire country at that time. I also started doing sports again. In my younger years i spend a lot of time skateboarding and inline skating but i stopped at age eighteen. By the time i entered the last chance project i reached age twenty-one. I was forced to start Muay Thai training with a few bouncers. At first i had a lot of trouble getting motivated and i hated it. Violence made me sick and reminded me too much about my past, but no matter how many punches and kicks i had to endure i promised myself i would pull through and i did. By the time the computer recycling departement got a bigger working area i was one of the lead members of our team at boxing. It gave me the confidence i needed to believe in myself again and feel more secure. I still remember how proud i was when i got the honor to greet the sensei on behalf of the group before the training started. I know people spread lots of rumors about professional boxers, but i can assure you my trainers where more kind to me than my own father ever was. They didn't only train me, they also gave me a bit of extra wisdom which i needed to get further on my journey. I grew fast and after two years in this project i almost ran the entire company, but i guess it just wasn't my time yet. I had a bit of touch from true love and it messed with my mind heavily. I didn't know back them why everything seemed to work so differently for me, i barely noticed actually. She was beautiful though, Janine was her name and she has long dark red hair with a very nice smile and a perfect body. She was intelligent as well and we had a lot in common. Unfortunately she noticed i still had some issues to solve both in my normal life as in my mind. Our relationship was short but very magical" I'll never forget the first time she kissed me. I was shaking over my entire body after her first touch and she knew why. Carefully she wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly until our lips met each other and we kissed all night. That's one memory i`ll be carrying with me to the grave. Losing her destroyed me. I couldn't sleep for months and no one could understand why, it felt so unfair. Every night i closed my eyes i saw her face and every morning i would wake up crying and hating myself for who i am. They say life is a matter of choices, but i never choose where to start i can only choose where it ends. My job went downhill quickly as i discovered very strange gaps in the administration. They where scamming people on a large basis by charging double hours for extra medical care and attention. It was too much for me to handle and i pulled back from the entire operation. So back at rock bottom again. Hardly any income, no job and alone in financial problems which i still couldn't solve. I had just enough to survive and i even had to steal on occasions to get a decent meal on the table. I even got cut off from electricity and running water for months during wintertime. Those were hard days, waking up with frozen feet, no heating, no lights, no coffee, no food" Just me and my books. Don't ask how i managed to get that situation stable again but i did. After a year filled with problems i met my ex wife, her name is Marieke. She was a very sweet girl filled with love and she gave me all the love i missed all those years. It gave me a lot of my power back and motivated me to start rebuilding again. I ordered some growing equipment and started growing cannabis to cut down on my smoking costs a bit and perhaps earn a bit of extra cash. They also diagnosed me with attention deficit disorder at that time and declared me fully unsuitable for any form of paid labor. I didn't care much, the fact i was diagnosed at least gave me a decent income provided by the government and i used the money they gave me for financial compensation to buy my girl a car so she could get a job in the local area. For years we had a decent life with a double income. However, i was slowly turning into a beast. All the rage i bottled up inside me for all those years started to come out slowly and i was suffering from aggressive outbursts. At first i tried to push this as much to the digital world as possible by destroying an endless stream of enemies in strategic simulations. It worked for quite a while. In the real world i was the creative Sativa on local cannabis forums where i posted a lot of my growing experiments, in the strategic world i was the beast called Avitas, destroyer of worlds. Such an extreme contrast in a man, most people knew me as a friendly guy with a rather wild imagination. I became more and more successful in two directions. In the area of strategy i was a mastermind commanding alliances with over one hundred people into the most extreme situations, in the area of cannabis i became a professional hydroponic producer with amazing results from only five plants. But the hunger for power didn't stop there, soon i started my own company again, Global Dream Innovations, a company based on developing new patents. Our plan was to introduce a new form of agriculture where science and nature met in a perfect paradox. By that time i had experience with pretty much every hydroponic system in the industry and i could grow even the most rare plant species on it, like the Nepenthes, a tropical meat eating plant from the Philippines. My wife had a lot of trouble accepting the fact that i was beginning to get very busy. It constantly gave us a lot of stress and the fights we got from that gave me flashbacks from my past. One night i wrote her a letter where i admitted i didn't know what to do anymore and i had the feeling a divorce was inevitable. She didn't show much emotion, but it was obvious she took it very hard by the way our marriage ended. She started cheating on me and when i found out she took her bags, all the money we had left for groceries and went off. So here i was, no money, more bills to pay than i could normally pay and no food in the house. I never had any trust in my family after all we went through, but this made me lose my trust in love as well. All i had left where my friends. But i just came to the most exciting part, the inferno of rage burning inside me got unleashed. Especially after that one evening, two days after i started my new twitter account where i wanted to reach out more people with my growing experiments. My step brother was at my house when the doorbell suddenly rang. As soon as i opened the door two men in orange suits asked me about my name while they were carrying a large box. I figured they had to be from the local cable company so i confirmed my name. They quickly dropped the box and grabbed both of my arms while they dragged me outside the house. "Police! Get down and shut up!", they started screaming and i saw policemen everywhere in black uniforms. The street in front of my house was filled with black cars carrying a single light, meaning this was no ordinary raid. Four policemen sat on top of me as they handcuffed me. I asked them what this was all about since i have never been convicted for any form of assault, but all they told me was to shut up. They delivered me to the local police station where i was informed about my rights and i had to spend the night in jail since there was no officer left on duty to start interrogating me. All i knew by that time i had been arrested on suspicion of imposing a threat to the government and the people. That's quite an impressive charge.I spend all night wondering what went wrong" Did my ex wife pull a stunt on me? Are they trying to discourage me from posting more information about my growing experiments? Something was very wrong about this situation. During that night something snapped inside of me and i almost destroyed the first cell they placed me in. I got a new one if i promised to calm down and accept some medication to get me through the night. I noticed the guards where frightened, they probably never saw someone go crazy like that. I guess i forgot how strong i became. My interrogation started the next morning. They accused my of being a member of Islamic State, which i could easily disproof. Either this was a very poor research or a terrible way to hide their true motivations. Even though my guilt was proven quite easily they did not give me back my confiscated computer material right away. Apparently they were already making copies of my hard drive. But why if my innocence has already been proven? And why did they let me go so easily? Something tells me they were only after my data" And so i awakened slowly. This is where this story started. A voice in the darkness:"Do you see it now boy? You are in danger". I recognized it instantly, it is the same voice keeping me awake at night if i make mistakes. Some might call is your conscience, others might call it their "inner voice". It has many names. The most scientific explanation i can give is that it is the alice particle of my consciousness. It always spins in an opposite direction, makes opposite moves and provides with a constant reflection of what i do. We are taught to ignore that and to fight it, but i started listening. Why shouldn't i? It was the truth, i was under attack by everyone around me. I started to see the way friends used me, the way people constantly try to play tricks on me and how this system was rigged against me in every possible way. Slowly i descended down the inferno, discovering layer by layer of evilness while closely guided by my reflection, Avitas. I still remember the long conversations i had with my inner voice. They took days sometimes and mostly ended in infinite games of strategic moves against each other in an attempt to disprove either the way i would normally think things work and the way my inner voice told me how things work. However, my inner voice was also a compilation of all the rage inside of me and the experience gathered from unleashing it for years in a digital world during an infinite amount of strategic games. It was like fighting the devil, and i hardly had a chance. But i had done this before. I didn't stand a chance against my competitors at Muay Thai in the beginning as well, but they taught me so much i became better than most. Maybe i could do the same thing now and by holding on with everything i have i might become strong enough in the end to gain full control again. And so i did, just like the legend of Christian versus Abaddon. I fought for years against this duality inside of me, trying to find a way to unify both opposites into a single force again. The first twelve chapters are a report of that combat. This is chapter thirteen, this is where we go beyond the centerpoint of singularity. As the universe so the soul, as the mind so the body, as the man, so it's environment. Why did i share this with you? They say letting go is the hard part of a bad memory, i always had more trouble sharing them.So again a huge leap forward perhaps. But that wasn't the entire story"