I don’t know how many hours have passed since i’ve slipped away into absolute darkness, expecting to fall back into my pattern of dreams. unfortunately there is nothing, only emptiness. At first it got me worried, but now i’m just bored. This isn’t quite what i’d expected when i closed my eyes. Where is my teacher, the dark side of myself which i’ve always ignored and pushed away? I wish to see more and be inspired. Strange how things can change in such a short period of time. I always hated the rage bottled up inside of me and the character i had to be in order to obtain success, it’s like a bad role playing game gone terribly wrong. And now what? Locked up in a void with no way out. I try to move around a bit, but it doesn’t seem to work. No gravity as well. It figures since there isn’t any matter in here to attach to, only me. What a way to start a new chapter, kind of like presenting a blank page with a mere dot in the middle. It does offer a lot of potential though, because if i would actually present a blank page you would be able to fill in the storyline yourself. Become the writer instead of the reader and who knows.. Maybe you would be able to become the main character as well, how far would your imagination take you? Beyond darkness? I guess that`s what i need to do to get out of here. Unfortunately i have nothing to focus on, nothing to control, and nothing to go to now. I just don’t see anything, but maybe there are things here wich i can’t see. There isn’t a way to search for anything here either as long as i can’t move. So no movement, no vision and no touch. But this can’t be a vacuum because my body would be torn apart and spread across every empty bit of space to fill the emptiness. I know i am definitely missing a piece of the puzzle. It’s probably the absence of Avitas which is a major influence in this world. How can one man have so much power? It’s insane… Even more insane is the fact it’s probably nothing more then one of my idiotic dreams, a product of a live imagination. Like children sometimes develop imaginary friends to fill up an empty space in their social structure. I think i have filled up the empty space my father left behind. But no matter how much information gathered in the past two years, it’s still barely enough to solve the prime issue. The issue is the fact my prime survival instincts are taking over the throne inside my mind, and the information i have received through education and nurture is still resisting out of fear for the unknown. Our prime instincts are connected to a wide variety of cognitive functions we barely use today and the sudden increase of cognitive ability can be quite overwhelming. But where does my imagination fit in? We can see how instincts are connected to senses at other animals to get a bit of an idea of the possibilities, but no one really knows if animals have imagination and how it fits into their system. So how am i expected to control this void of potential without any examples to learn from? “By shutting up and allow me to teach you. I will fill that emptiness”, a deep voice echoes and suddenly a sun appears shining light through the endless void. “Let there be light”, the deep voice whispers. “Is this sufficient for you to navigate?’, the voice asks. “No Avitas, this is not enough. There is no land to walk on and no resources to walk to”. I hope i gave the correct answer. “Blink with your eyes”, the voice commands. I close my eyes for a second and when i open them again i am staring directly into the emerald green eyes of Avitas.
I keep staring in the mirror for almost half an hour like that. Lost in my own dream world, while creating endless deserts and desolated plains. Something woke me up. I don’t know what it is, but it’s like a barrier just broke down and realization pours into me. I’ve been trying so hard to become what i am in my dreams that it keeps getting harder to tell the difference. It’s a very new experience since i have always hidden a part of what i wanted to be to become what my environment made me. It’s nothing more than emptiness being filled. The realization that there`s a gap between who i could have been and who i am. Fortunately nature always make sure every bit of potential will be used, all you need to do is open up for the patterns. Patterns from paradoxes who turn paradoxes into singularities, the secret of transmutation. A philosophy deeper than most people will realize. And once you do it becomes harder to be around the people who don’t understand. You become more isolated, but in return will be able to recognize the ones who are on the same path. Searching for answers on a road made out of questions and the more answers we find the longer our path becomes. We will never reach our destination, but as i learned it’s not the destination that creates the story but the road towards it. Destiny is simply the end of all the experiences that lead you towards it. Cherish those experiences, not the destination. Those experiences is what makes you stronger, more versatile and help you evolve as a human being into something greater. A deity perhaps? We all have a lot more potential in us than we normally exploit. Most of us are so caught up in the race to supply our basic needs they forgot how to see all the possibilities that lie beyond. And you can’t blame them. To most people surviving is so difficult it’s hard to find any spare time to experience anything more. Sacrifices will have to be made, a major investment of time which most people can’t spare. I can, so i will. It’s what we do according to Murphy`s law. As soon as we see possibilities we either grab them or let them pass, and we are with so many people there is always somebody who will grab the opportunity as soon as it arises. Who will be capable of sharing the experience so others can learn from it as well. I take a deep breath and wonder if i should continue to dig deeper into this philosophy or just write some more. The growing number of followers on my page do encourage me to go on with this mission, but i can’t just be feeding them a nice story. It’s a mystery school so people expect mystery. Something unexplained being explained, translated into understandable language. Slowly my feet are carrying me towards my laptop and i start scrolling around a build on the screen. The last topic about emptiness keeps haunting me, i am definitely missing some sort of link. Maybe i am a bit to hard on myself and expect too much, ever since i have been training myself to open my eyes to potential i am kindof blinded by the lights. I am already familiar with the consequences of that, if we focus too much on a single side we are doomed to cut ourselves on the side we ignored to much. I don’t seem to be able to cut myself on any of those sides since i walk straight through the middle, the journey through the center of paradoxes. And while everyone around me picks sides, good or evil, i continue to move forward undecided. I don’t believe in those classifications any longer, there is no such thing as good or evil. Nature decides what is efficient and inefficient and the inefficient ones will be deleted. Leaving behind a vacuum of potential space to be filled with the most efficient creations. Like we ourselves also continue to upgrade our energy efficiency by replacing old techniques for new one. We are copying that behaviour, but we aren’t very good at it. We’ll probably lose from any competition nature throws at us. We are missing so many details, our vision is barely enough to see the consequences of our own behaviour. Slowly my fingers move over the keyboard as i transform thoughts into the document. With each expression of thought the blank paper becomes less empty and i think about the dream i just had, about filling the void. I guess i am already filling the void, the only question is:”Will anyone be able to transform these texts into a change in their own way of thinking?”. Perhaps it takes time… This story had almost two years of preparation and i am barely halfway there. Chapter seven out of twenty four. To me it has a lot of meaning since a week exists out of seven days with each twenty four hours, to someone else it’s just a number as any other number. Insignificant and uninteresting. To most people practically everything poured into this story is uninteresting and too much information to end a stressful day with. No one is able to see the vacuum i’m in after i took a leap of faith and jumped into an ocean of information with an information addiction and an information processing disorder. I fought my way through several burn-outs and now i’m practically speaking in an alien language. The process has been completed, from a black raven preying on the left overs of others back into a white raven, unique and way to exposed. It’s just a matter of time before predators will come to feed on me, but my words are my weapons and if not sufficient my training will be. Don’t grab the pen before you learn to wield the sword or you will find out it will only lead towards self destruction. I already made that mistake once. I will make it twice, but next time at least i`m able to carry the consequences. We can’t hide from who we are forever. I close my eyes and think of all the times i had no other choice but to take out the competition. It’s one of the first rules of survival; be on top of the game or on top of the foodchain. It does take some form of cruelness to be like that however. It contradicts everything we’ve learned, but they never told us who are the ones preying on us. Maybe if they did it would have been easier to see the necessity of natural behaviour. Always trust your instincts. Luckily i had the ability to practice for over ten years in a simulated environment. I’ll never forget the thrill of the hunt and how addictive it can be to crush any competition. It gives a man a sense of power, but at what price? I decide to leave the chapter as it is for now. My mental processing system is close to an overload and i can’t afford to slip into another burn-out again. The only way to stop the stream of energy is to create more emptiness. To divide and conquer by creating an opposite. And so i walk back towards the black couch in the center of the living room, lie down and slip back into a world which is growing exponentially just like ours. A place of with emptiness waiting to be filled like a blank piece of paper and i realize it more and more everyday. I am the writer.