“The less we are noticed the more we become, to be is not to be”. I Write the words on my screen while i think about the paradox of structure and chaos. One of the three primary paradoxes in existence as described by my teacher; Hermes Mercurius Trismegistus. I think of the cold shower i took yesterday and the feeling it gave me. I felt a tingling sensation all evening across my entire body, like energy had been absorbed through the skin itself. My friend said i was nuts and i should be careful not to catch hypothermia. He doesn’t understand the satisfaction i get from training my resistance. They just can’t see through the darkness of pain and suffering to notice the rewards beyond. All they can do instead is to mimic the behaviour of those who have been there before, making society nothing more than a bad copy of individualism. Things won’t work that way, i already know. I understand the laws of hermeticism far too well to become connected to a colony or an order. Every interaction i have with one of these groups gives me new insight and new information. Shapes me a bit more, until i have encountered them all. Until i am prima materia and i’ve collected all the ingredients to change myself into whatever i desire. Carefully i move through these masses, like i am walking through a grocery store. I pick my ingredients like i am cooking a meal. No one can see that amidst the chaos of my social life, a new structure is rising. I call it Avitas, my reflective side. Not who people expect or want me to be, but what i am and what i want to become. It’s kingsday today… Long live the king, the greatest slave and tyrant of the people. As i sit here hidden in my own lair, i know what i am. A kingslayer, a man who does not bow down. A man who empties thrones and fights for freedom, for i know there is only one who deserves to take that seat. There is only one king, and he is no longer among us. Betrayed by those he loved, tortured by those he led and crucified by those he had already beaten. Like the famous general Sun Tzu mentioned in the art of war:”Every battle is won before it is fought, the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting”. I’ll never surrender, no matter how much pressure i may endure. Maybe it’s a malfunction in my brains, but i don’t see it that way. An animal doesn’t recognize our authority as legal, so i guess nature has a different opinion. Who should i listen to? Nature or the people who rely on nature? This is simply not a democracy, a larger hierarchy governs our future. There is one simple rule; no one likes competition unless the odds are in our favor. As i write these words i have learned a pattern leading towards exponential personal growth. It has become an addiction of mine to pursue that pattern, as most of the things in my life pretty much became an obsession this is just a sum of many. Or maybe this is the sum of all, since i started after the stress of a normal life became too much for me. Something just snapped and i changed my entire environment. This house doesn’t look the same anymore either. Everything around me is in constant movement while i mold my mind and body in such a way my spirit has completely expressed itself. I’ve been lost in my own imagination for such a long time i am practically a stranger in this world. At least i’m getting closer to the edge now and the tables are about to turn in my favor. In the past few days i’ve learned a lot about different types of dream state and the fact i am probably able to access these states of consciousness without going to sleep. I can also clearly understand the difference between those two types, the one that calculates and the one that simulates. I wonder if these two states form a paradox as well? They probably do. The more i become aware of these two states and the advantage proper use of both give a man the more i become obsessed with it. There is no way back.
“Once you have set foot on this path, thou shalt see it everywhere” -Hermes Mercurius Trismegistus.